What it feels like?

"What CHD is like...to me"

Its always wondering “why me?”

Its looking at others who are just like you, seeing they are worse, but still feeling bad

Its no one ever understanding, you look good, you look fine and healthy and when people see you they don’t even know your sick

Its them wondering why your sitting out, its them wondering why you never do the normal things people your age do.

Its them thinking you are lazy

Its then thinking your cranky and need to get over it,

Its them knowing that your sick and still wondering why the hell you're sitting down all day its them thinking your faking its them not believing

Its feeling so tired, and so bad, but you can't express the feeling to anyone, not even yourself sometimes.

Its worrying

Its knowing that every day you could be getting worse,

Its never knowing when something will go wrong, its that feeling inside that something is wrong and the fear of what now..

Its never knowing if the cough will turn into full blown pneumonia

It’s the scar, knowing you should love it, know its there and it saved your life, and its loving it. But wishing sometime that you could have just one picture without it.

It’s the medicine you take every day. Its the new lifestyle you have to learn because of it.

It’s the side effects of the medicine, the bruises, the need to pee, and even headaches and nausea

It’s the pain, it’s the rapid heart beats that just come out of no where, its sitting still breathing trying to wait it out, its taking deep breaths that hurt

Its having to do breathing treatments. it’s the cost of the medicines, the cost of the doctors,

Its fear.

Its the emotions you feel watching your loved ones having to go through these emotions with you.

Its the fact that you see how hard your spouse, parents, siblings, children want to help but can't.

Its the upcoming years of knowing the long term affects from it.

Its the depression that no one understands.

Its the days you spend in bed because you're so exhausted for no reason.

Its the sadness you feel when you see others doing all the things you want to do but are told no from your Dr.

Its the love you get from strangers.

Its the stares, the looks the ignorance from people who see your scar and try to figure out what the heck??

- Ara Hunt, CHD-ASD 2 OHS Suvivor since 2008

*CHD = congential heart disease

p/s: We are lucky because there are a lot of people out there are suffered more than we do. Say Alhamdulillah and be grateful for what you have now and don't forget to pray for others so that we will become stronger together. Amin..:)